Posts tagged ‘facial hair’

With only one week to go until pitchers and catchers report to spring training, the wait for baseball is becoming harder and harder to stand.  With that in mind, I figured this would be a good time to distract everyone with how hilarious old-timey baseball is.

Take a look at this gem, which Abreana thoughtfully passed along to Rockiescast while she was doing some research.  A big part of what makes old-timey baseball so hilarious is language.  And I don’t just mean “base-ball” terminology, I mean the frilly Victorian language that was used in print and in speech in those times.  Add to that the outdated style of play and the amazing facial hair trends of the era, and you’ve got one hilarious situation.  Enter Conan O’Brien, who clearly recognizes these elements of old-timey hilarity.  This video is a few years old, but it’s still funny enough to watch repeatedly to pass the time until baseball begins anew.

It’s encouraging to see that, with each passing year, the tradition of the playoff beard seems to be catching on in sports besides hockey. As Kylie pointed out in the blog comments recently, even the Denver Post has noticed the trend in the Rockies’ clubhouse.  I was also pleased to see that the Wikipedia entry for Playoff Beard mentions Rockies fans.  And we all know everything on Wikipedia has to be based in objective fact.^{[citation needed]}

The obvious downside of the playoff beard is that previous facial hair growth, no matter how handsome, must be shorn when the playoffs begin in order to start a proper playoff beard from scratch. So, it was with heavy heart that I purged my face of my recent tribute to Ryan Spilborghs‘ award winning Time-Travelling Conquistador beard. Hard as it was to take the razor to my face, I have no regrets.  Playoff glory isn’t free (Rocktober costs a buck-o-five).  And I can always console myself knowing that while my Spilly tribute is gone from my face, it will always live on in photographic record. So, as promised, here is how awesome my face looked for one fleeting moment in time:

Just a few days ago, I would have leaned towards the Cardinals’ Brendan Ryan for the September BotM. That would have been the second Cardinal this season to take home the much coveted title. Unfortunately for the young shortstop, there was some stiff competition for the September Beard of the Month.  Brendan “Old Timey” Ryan was just one of a trio of Cardinals, also including Jason LaRue Manchu and Ryan “June BotM” Franklin, that could have taken home the title.  There was a very solid, late effort put in by Joe Beimel.  When it comes to having awesome facial hair, as long as you are in the discussion you should consider yourself a winner, but alas, there can only be one Beard of the Month.

Not surprisingly, as he has been doing since joining the Rockies, Jason Giambi comes through with the game, or in this case the award, on the line. The Giambi Stache has proven to be a great compliment to Giambi Smash, a game that he likes to play when in the batter’s box. After time in the Yankees organization, where he was limited to a traditional (but still awesome) mustache, he has since passed through Oakland to ultimately make his way to a better place, where man and facial hair can live together in harmony. We certainly hope Jason will keep up the awesome work, both on his face and at the plate, as he helps pave the way to the best Rocktober yet.

That’s right, I give myself a C’mon Guy.  I really dropped the ball with my Cardinals preview in the latest episode.  It’s probably because we rushed the episode a bit to get it up before the start of tonight’s game, but that’s no excuse.  Earlier this month, I sent Ted a text telling him to turn on the Cardinals game to check out SS Brendan Ryan and his old-timey look.  He’s one of those Cardinals players that wears those awesome, striped high socks that would give any player that old school appearance.  But he takes it a step further and has a very old-timey looking mustache, the type wouldn’t look out of place on an old black and white photo of a boxer. 

If such an award existed, the Cards would be the leading contenders for the Beards of the Season - Team category.  With Brendan Ryan, Ryan Franklin, and Jason LaRue, they would be very tough to beat, especially considering Goose Gossage and Rollie Fingerswere on separate teams for the All-Star Celebrity softball game.  Perhaps the D-backs could put up a fight if they sign Salvador Dali to complement Clay Zavada.

Just as a depressing week of Rockies baseball has fans’ spirits sinking, Jackie from Denver has pieced together a music video to remind us of the good times.  And it turns out there have been a lot of good times since June.  The first time I watched the video, I immediately felt a surge of pride and confidence in our precious ball club.  I’m sure a good deal of my reaction has to do with the way Jackie more-or-less bookended the video with showcases of why we love Ryan Spilborghs.  (Hint: it has to do with beards and walk-off grand slams.)

With last night’s awesome win, the Rox are 20 game above .500 for the first time in franchise history.  This will not be surprising to you if you already knew that coming into this game the Rox were at 19 games above .500 for the first time in franchise history.

Is it just me, or was Mr. Late Night doing his Todd Helton impression in that last at bat?  High-pressure situation, fouling off a lot of pitches with 2 strikes, finally putting the ball in play in just the right spot to win the game.  Six inches to the right and Brandon Phillips makes the play and the Rockies lose.

Joe Beimel should buy Matt Daley dinner, or maybe carry around his pink backpack for a week, for bailing him out last night.  A veteran pitcher should not come into the game, walk a guy on four pitches, and then rely on a rookie to get out of the jam.  Fortunately, Matt Daley is awesome.  I see a direct correlation between Beimel’s poor performance and his unfortunate lack of beard.

During the post-game interview with Smith, Spilly got him with a shaving cream pie to the face.  Sure it was funny, but Spilly should not be allowed anywhere near shaving cream until he grows his beard back.

Right after that happened, Alanna Rizzo totally ratted Spilly out.  Not cool Alanna.

I knew all along that the winning run in this game would be scored by Jason Marquis.  I swear.

If people can be awarded honorary degrees from universities, I see no reason why we can’t award Jason Hammel an honorary win for last night’s game.  I think I like him more and more every time he pitches.

Too bad Yorvit’s streak ahd to end, but at least it didn’t end ten days ago like I would have expected.

Thank you Ramon Troncoso.  The Dodger’s reliever started the 9th inning with a throwing error, allowing the lead-off man to get two second.  One sac bunt and two intentional walks later, the bases were loaded for Mark Reynolds.  Troncos proceeded to walk Reynolds to lose the game, bringing the Rox to within 2 1/2 games of the Dodgers.

It is with much relief that we present actual visual evidence that Ryan Spilborghs‘ Time-Travelling Conquistador beard of early August actually existed.  This oughta silence all of those Time-Travelling Conquistador deniers out there (mostly Giants and Dodgers fans).

Special thanks go out to Meredith for digging this up for the world to see.  So um…thanks, Meredith!  Her contributions to Rockies society don’t stop there though.  In 2007, Meredith won the Stitch n’ Pitch National Knitting Contest with a Rockies-themed sock pattern.  Word on the street is that everyone counted out Meredith’s pattern until it won 21 of 22, steamrolling the rest of the National League of Sock Patterns.  Her work was subsequently featured in the April 2008 issue of Rockies Magazine.  Some of you might actually have that issue kicking around, as it was the 2007 National League Champions issue.  Take a look for her feature…we’ll wait.

See…pretty impressive, huh?  Out of the kindness of her purple heart, Meredith offers that Rockies sock pattern and assorted other goodies free on her website: www.meredithknitting.com.

His name is Jason
He’s our pinch hitter
An awesome ‘stache upon his face
He finds his ways to get on base
Since on the Rockies
You cannot beat him
In his first three trips to the plate
He has been nothing short of great
He started with a roar
Already drove in four
He’s already helped us to win three games
Who can ask for more?

Cuz he’s Jason
Jason Giambi
I watch him get hits on my TV
Because he’s Jason
Jason Giambi
Games are more fun when he’s driving in runs
Because of Jason… the Rockies won

Great Scott!  This is unbelievably frustrating.  I’ve spent several hours now combing the Internet for visual evidence that Ryan Spilborghs‘ awesome beard from the early part of August was real.  It seems as though that work of art — which we like to call the Time-Travelling Conquistador – went totally uncaptured by still camera.  Needless to say, this is totally unacceptable.  I suppose we can take comfort in knowing that at least photo evidence of Spilly’s recent walk-off grand slam is all over the web.

Rockiescast is usually reluctant to award Beard of the Month honors to facial hair that can’t be displayed in a pretty little photo on the site.  However, nothing can stand in the way of Spilly’s work taking BotM honors for August.  If you saw it, you already know why.  It was one smooth length of mutton chop/mustache glory.

So this is an open call: If anyone has a photo of the Time-Travelling Conquistador, please send it our way.  Until we have a photo of the real BotM to post, please enjoy this photo essay…