Posts tagged ‘facial hair’

Great Scott!  This is unbelievably frustrating.  I’ve spent several hours now combing the Internet for visual evidence that Ryan Spilborghs‘ awesome beard from the early part of August was real.  It seems as though that work of art — which we like to call the Time-Travelling Conquistador – went totally uncaptured by still camera.  Needless to say, this is totally unacceptable.  I suppose we can take comfort in knowing that at least photo evidence of Spilly’s recent walk-off grand slam is all over the web.

Rockiescast is usually reluctant to award Beard of the Month honors to facial hair that can’t be displayed in a pretty little photo on the site.  However, nothing can stand in the way of Spilly’s work taking BotM honors for August.  If you saw it, you already know why.  It was one smooth length of mutton chop/mustache glory.

So this is an open call: If anyone has a photo of the Time-Travelling Conquistador, please send it our way.  Until we have a photo of the real BotM to post, please enjoy this photo essay…

Scott and I had a tough time picking this Beard of the Month. We had listener suggestions for two different beards, both making very strong cases for their respective candidates. Well, I suppose the beards made strong cases for themselves, but the suggestions translated the awesome-beardness into words very effectively. Lauren suggested Todd Helton on the merits of his recent efforts to grow his trademark mountain man goatee into a full mountain man beard. Meredith suggested Chad Gaudin for the Lincolnesque chinstrap he featured throughout the month of July. All else being equal, Rockiescast obviously would prefer Todd to Chad. We have very strong feelings about Todd. That’s nothing new.

What was new, however, was Todd’s full beard.  This ended up being the kicker. At month’s end, Todd’s beard status was somewhat ambiguous.  From afar, he looked to have an impressive mountain man beard engulfing his face. But up close (our favorite Helton vantage point), the patchiness of the cheek areas made it unclear whether Todd was in the process of growing the full beard or Todd was just too lazy to shave for a while (aka: the Beard Marquis).

Gaudin, on the other hand, seemed to maintain his chin beard with the BotM criteria in mind. It was already in full force when the month began, and Chad maintained a consistent look throughout the month. Then the calendar page flipped to August, and suddenly he was back to just a goatee. So Chad Gaudin’s beard was just a special July treat for baseball fans. And while it was here, it was indeed Special. Meredith was pretty accurate with her comparison of Gaudin’s beard to Abraham Lincoln’s. What really struck me though was Gaudin’s resemblance to Dwight’s cousin Mose from The Office. Take a look at the pictures accompanying this post and see if you are struck in the same fashion. Also, note how much more intimidating the Padres would be if they changed their name to the San Diego Fear! As an added bonus to the whole situation, Gaudin’s beard is red. While this always scores bonus beard points in my book, it serves a fantastic nickname purpose here. Combine the color of Gaudin’s beard with his resemblance to Mose, and voila…You’ve got Flaming Mose!

Is it just me or do happy tacos seem even happier when they come at the Phillies expense? 

If the Rox were able to sweep the Phillies, which would include taking games against Cliff Lee and J.A. Happ, will the sports media finally stop ignoring the Rox as legit playoff contenders?

When will Woody Paige start ignoring the Rockies so I don’t have to read/listen to him ever again.

Garrett Atkins is now 6-14 (.429) with 1 2B, 3 HR, 5 R, 8 RBI in 4 games vs the Phillies this season.

Todd Helton should stop shaving for the remainder of the season.

Ian (a regular Purple Row commenter), Scott (me), Meredith (loyal Rockiescast listener, knitter extraordinaire), Russ (Purple Row moderator) at Citi Field just after the game got called for rain on Wednesday night.

We turn our attention outside the Rockies Organization again for our June Beard of the Month.  Thankfully, this time we turn to a National League foe the Rockies have dominated so far this year and not a division rival.  So it is without reservation that we bestow the honor of June 2009 Rockiescast Beard of the Month upon Ryan Franklin’s broom chin.

As you can see here, his face makes a strong case for his candidacy.  Like other BotM recipients this season, Franklin’s beard has seen great success on the mound in 2009.  As of the time of this post, Franklin’s beard has a WHIP of 0.84 and an ERA of 0.84 in 32 innings this season.  Not surprisingly, those stats have earned this beautiful goatee a spot on the All-Star game to delight the home fans in St. Louis.  It’s a real chin-warming story.

We should also note that personal history also played a role in the decision to give Franklin’s beard BotM honors.  A quick search of the Internet for pictures of Ryan Franklin will turn up a handful of different decent facial hair configurations.  Rockiescast can’t help but respect a guy who is willing to try out so many looks and do it awesomely.  So Ryan Franklin, congratulations on having an award-winning broom on your face.

Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve been this excited about a Beard of the Month (the last time Spilly won).  That really says a lot, given that this time around we’re giving the honors to a Diamondback…bleccch.  So you know he really earned it.  Yes sir, other than the team he plays for, Clay Zavada seems to be a really likable ballplayer.  Thus far in his young career, he’s got eye-popping numbers, a lip-warming tale of tragedy and sacrifice, and a neck-snapping resemblance to Rollie Fingers.  And so the young hurler has once again overcome tremendous odds to succeed.  This time, despite playing for the wrong team, only being in the Bigs for the last 11 days of May, and not having a full beard, Clay Zavada is owner of Rockiescast’s May 2009 Beard of the Month.  He also takes the 2nd Annual Orlando Hudson Award for Guy on the Diamondbacks We Like.  Now if only we can get this guy in a different uniform.  I think he’d look smashing in purple.

I had myself a great 4-day weekend, thanks to the 6 B’s (not to be confused with the Astros Killer B’s of the mid-90’s).

Baseball - despite Monday’s debacle, I liked what I saw from the Rockies for most of this weekend.  They looked good in Detroit against a tough team to beat at their home ballpark.

Beer - Honey Moon Summer Ale and Newcastle Brown Ale to be exact.

Burgers - delicious, juicy, grilled burgers.  I make a fine meat sammich.  Ted can vouch for their deliciousness.

BBQ - a nice, big rack of slow-cooked spare ribs smothered in BBQ sauce.

Brass Band - caught the Dirty Dozen Brass Band at the State Theater in Falls Church, VA.  If you like some New Orleans Brass, check them out.  They’ll be at Red Rocks on Saturday, August 8th.

Beards - for those of you not privy to the championships held this past weekend, check this out.

We’re taking things in a slightly different direction for our first Beard of the Month for the 2009 regular season.  As you can see in this picture, Yovani Gallardo doesn’t have the most beautiful beard on the planet.  But that’s no reason for him to be ashamed.  The important thing is that he’s put forth the effort (or lack thereof) to join the ranks of the bearded.  And thus, Gallardo’s beard was along for the ride when he single-handedly defeated the Pirates on April 29.  Seriously, check out the box score from that affair.  Gallardo and his beard pitched 8 shutout innings and produced the only offense in the game with a solo homer.  Further evidence to back up what Scott and I have been saying for years: one beard is mightier than the entire Pittsburgh Pirates roster.  Suck it, various LaRoches!

The way things have been going for the Rockies’ starters recently, we could be in line for similar performances when the Rockies head to the Steel City this weekend.  Let’s just hope the DLR, the Cookie Monster, and Ubaldo have stopped shaving!

It seems we’ve got dueling theories on the role of Ryan Spilborghs‘ beard in the Rockies’ successes and failures.  Last season, Lauren from Denver astutely pointed out a correlation between the Rockies snapping losing streaks (of which there were plenty) and Spilly shaving his beard.  It seemed to Lauren and to us that Spilly was repeatedly making a tremendous sacrifice for the team.

Now it’s come to our attention (thanks, Morgan!) that I Bleed Purple is asking Spilly to bring the beard back full time in order to recapture the glory of Purple Rocktober.  As a matter of fashion, obviously we couldn’t agree more with Mr. Purple.  That beard is a gift to the world.  But this raises an intriguing question: how will Spilly’s beard affect the Rockies’ performance this year?  Will Rockies fans be feasting in a land of bearded milk and honey as I Bleed Purple suggests (and we all hope), or will the fates demand more personal sacrifice from the Rockies’ handsome outfield?  And when will Elias Sports Bureau get it together and start keeping split stats on bearded/non-bearded performances?  First things first though: Spilly needs to grow a beautiful beard before he can decide to keep or shave it.

Feel free to share your thoughts here (especially if you’re not Scott or me), and stay tuned to Rockies baseball to see how it all unfolds!